i just got off yahoo messenger with Qys... my brother in law came home.. and nobody seemed to mind her..
so she started talking to me... hahaha..
and we just had a really good time making faces and laughing at each other.
if the screen went blank because of the screensaver .. she would be like.. "acuuuu??"
and in the end she waved so longggg and looked so happy to talk to me!~
this is the one girl i can tolerate gedikness from:
click on the picture for a larger view.
and i'm glad that i got to talk to her as an end to my day.
even though it's really late already..
she's one person that can always brighten up my day.. even when im at my worst.
now i can sleep soundly :)
<3 acu loves you.
as i am typing this,
i hear the sound of my nephew Qimi screaming... and nobody is noticing what he's doing?
Qystina is being her gedik self, buat2 muka cool macam dia tak dengar org tgh ckp kat dia kan...
you're thinking how do i know this?
well... here's the answer:
yes, i am baby-websitting...??
baby sitting from across the globe... but its basically.. i scream reallyyyy loud to my sister (who's in the kitchen) if anything happens.
that's all i can do.
if something really important happens.. it's not like i can do anything about it.
hahaha...
kesian gile kat Qimi.. he fell asleep on my sister's arms.. then Qystina at the side was being so louddddd...
and my sister makes Qys sing Jai Ho.. and they search it through youtube...
and my sister's shaking to the beat too..
then Qimi just couldn't stay asleep.
lol. kesian gile.
the alpha male..? hahahhaah
well, aside from that i just came back from the tutorial group with Laila..
i got a few things done... but i need moREE!!!
my final submissions are next week and the week after.
i.am.dead.
sooooo cuak okayyyyyy!!
for now i just need to get a lot of sleep..
need ... NEED to go to the lecture 2morO!!
p.s. acu loves both of you bulats!~
<3 suryani
[i turn to you like a flower leaning towards the sun, i turn to you cos you're the only one who can turn me around when i'm upside down...]
as i type this i notice that my right thumb is starting to shake...
and this may be due to the fact that i just finished talking to my eldest sister.
for all of u who knows what i'm talking about.. what i planned to talk to my sister about..
well.. it's done.
she agreed to... but just a little bit...
not even half... but moolah is moolah.
and i need it.
so i accepted... so thank you so much.. its something i will remember and appreciate always.
but that's not to say she didn't ask 4999 questions prior to offering it.
all her questions...
i dont know... it was so unbearable to hear it..
eventually i cried... but i quickly wiped it away and sucked it up so she wouldn't hear.
to those of you who don't understand my relationship my family... well... dulu2 of course la ade nangis2 kan sbb budak2 lagi... but now...
i hardly show my feelings anymore... they don't know if my heart terase ke... they don't know if i'm sad or if i disagree.
of course there are those little outbursts and arguments with other siblings... but i have never disrespected my eldest sister.. i may argue with my mom sometimes.. but of course i always regret it.
sorry for going off topic.. but let's return.
i felt like i had nobody.
i even told her that i'm not the kind of person who would ask.
and cara dia ask me pon.. it was like she didn't trust me and i will always be the irresponsible youngest sister...
i'm always scared of her hating me...
i don't want her to hate me.
she's the patient type.. and quiet..
so if she really hates someone and loses her patience.. it must be hell.
sometimes i even get jealous of her relationship with ana.. because i feel left out of that sisterly love... stupid kan?
i don't know...
i'm just filled with emotions now..
no it's not PMS!
and i can't seem to stop it.
i have no one to turn to.
i have no where to hide.
just behind locked doors... and the rest of the time .. i just tell myself to put on a smile.
my eldest sister used to be the only one that i cud tell anything to.
without laughing at me, instead she laughs with me.
what happened to the sister that i used to know?
and where did she go?
if she's not there anymore... it's like i have nobody else.
i used to think that the bond i had with her was strong.
i guess that was just me.
[i hope someday if you lost your way you would turn to me like i turn to you...]
<3 suryani
boleh spell out TENSION tak?????
cos that's how i feel today.
tensen... frustrated... cam nak bunuh smue org in my way!
and on top of that... i fell asleep cos i needed it all to go away for a moment..
but when i woke up.. terkejut ngn bunyi yg sgt makes u wanna go suicidal.
like my ym status says.. ade swine kt rumah ni yg tgh suffer. that's how it sounds like.
but actually.. it was someone's laugh that made me wanna go stab her 9,999 times in the HEART!
lagi satu pasal fundraising bbq ni.
it's on a day following 3 whole weeks that i had so many assignments to hand in ...
kadang2 rase mcm... nak quit je. quit on life okay~
then there's the assignment that i'll have to hand in on a Business Plan case.
where we have to find out the costs of what we're designing.
soooooooo many numbers!
apekahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
architecture ke niiiiiiii... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
mmg la architecture... tp.. :( there should be a whole subject on this instead of just one workshop.
hmmm..
i should watch The Big Bang Theory now..
i started watching it yesterday... and im already up to season 2.
it makes me laugh. and that's what i need.
something funny to layan.
<3 suryani
was what i chose the wrong decision??
it seems to be that everything i decide on these days turn out to be something that makes me regret it in the end.
an example would be... my decision to go to Penang trip.
yes, i was sooo excited to go. and still am!
but part of the reason that made it easy for me to make my decision was that no one i knew was taking the other elective i was interested in.
but now... my friends have all moved to that elective...
and i feel like i want to take BOTH!
okay, this might sound like i'm just following in my friends' footsteps..
but the thing is.. i already like the subject.
it was just a matter of having company. so it'd be easier to find groups to work with.
then the Penang trip has blocked my schedule so that i can't go to NCG this year.
which sucks.
i didn't go to Beach Day. cos i was busy with my field trip.
and this is the last year that i'll be around the same crowd.
next year.. it might suck.. because of the people in charge of organizing it from here.
at first i came to terms with it..
but now... i hear that Bunkface and Estrella will be there for the malaysian nite!!!
COCHONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!
nak jugak... :(
i know that Bunkface will never come to Adelaide for OUR malaysian nite.
cos it's just not THAT big of a deal to come to.
lagi memalukn Adelaide ade la...
if only by some miracle the Penang trip got moved earlier :(
if only.
anyway,
i've uploaded the pictures from the field trip but i haven't editted them yet.
so once i do, i'll post it up :)
today? i went to a wedding ceremony that celebrated the marriage of 3 couples.. sort of 4.. but physically.. there were only 3 couples.
the food was good!
yummmmmmmmmmmmmm...
it would've been much more of a big deal for me if they were people i knew.
played a little basketball with hazerq, khai, ira and pojik today.
mmmmmmmm... my skills from high school are..... non existant anymore????
but it was fun :D
so yep... that's all for today.
basically the main point of this entry is to let out what i was thinking about this Penang trip ... blocking my chance from getting to watch Bunkface perform live in Australia!... dammit!
i even asked one of the members on myspace... and they said it's still in process.
in the back of my mind you know what i was thinking?
hopefully tak jadi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
muahahahahah.. jahat tak?
sorrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ... NOTTTTT.. hehhee (khai faham tak? :P)
<3 suryani
so it's 2:20am on a cold Sunday morning...
and i just got back from watching Death Note... or half of it?
i'm not sure... but i remember my eyes getting droopy sometime in the beginning...
then all the funny things that we pointed out to each other made me laugh... the sleepiness went away.
but remembering that i'm trying to go to the netball/basketball practice tomorrow...
i thought i should go home and get some sleep in.
and so. here i am, on my bed....
not sleepy.
i browse through myspace... or not really browsing but refreshing the page.
and looking at my blog.
i realize that yesterday marked a year and a half of me and my B being together.
and comparing it to the state that it was in the beginning...
i wonder where it all went and why it has become this way.
it's possible that maybe bcos of being so busy this semester... i'm able to avoid thinking too much about our problems...
but we also need to remember that this long distance will last for another 2 years.
we need to have more faith in each other and not be so sensitive everytime we don't get the attention we crave for.
i was in uni today with my group members working on the assignment due monday.
i was having trouble trying to start bcos i was distracted by the more important fact that i needed to count my average so far.
hold on now - you're wondering why the change of topic? just keep on reading.
i need to pass with AT LEAST a 60 to get into Masters of Architecture next year.
so far... what i can say is that i have enough.
but it can all go away if i don't start concentrating.
that's how low i am.
i want to have at least a 70 so that it doesn't seem that i'm on the borderline of being good.
after all, you already know if you're a bad architect, you're not gonna be any good in the real world... where the collapse of a building can kill hundreds of people... and that's on you.
so that's another reason why i've been so busy.
even though there's so much work to be done... on top of that... i'm trying to do more than i usually offer... so that i can do better.
which means more time consumption.
so please, B... understand me when i can't do what u ask me for.
yes, i'm online other times.. but i'm only online when i'm free and that's if i haven't forgotten to log off.
i might have gone out and forgotten to sign off.
it's not that i have much more time for other people.. but whoever is there when i'm online.. that's purely coincidental.
and sometimes.. when i need to release the tension and free myself from all the stres...
it's not talking that i need... but it's a companion.
any companion that i can just stay and have fun with.
so..yep. enough with this emotional stuff.
well... so i should get off now and get some sleep.
although... not feeling so tired.
maybe i should do some more cleaning seeing that my inspection is on monday.
need to get some of these marks off the walls.
til next time :) i'll update with pictures from the field trip.
<3 suryani
let's begin with a sigh of relief.
the presentation is over with... albeit.. it didn't go as well as i expected it to.
everyone got drilled.
but in a good way.. our lecturer wasn't drilling us like we all got it wrong.
but he was pointing out ways of improving... so he pointed out everything that we didnt do.
and that's what the assignment was supposed to be anyway. a concept.
and receive feedback to help our way to the final submission.
i gotta keep telling myself this so i hope that i don't fail.
what got me partly upset was that the tutorial group after mine, which should've ran from 3 to 5pm, got an extension.
no wonder they didnt show up.
my tutorial runs from 1 to 3pm... buat at 3pm there were still 5 people who needed to present.
i presented mine a little after 4pm.
and all that while i was wondering where the next group was.
turns out that only 3 showed for the presentation .. those who were keen to get it over with.
and the rest will do theirs tomorrow.
which i thought was a little unfair.
cos the most likely reason for their extension is that most of them just came back from the trip that i went to.
in that case, everyone should've gotten an extension.
after i sent this one in, i felt such a big lift.. as if this was holding me down and the cause of my private emotional breakdown.
yes, i'm still stressing for other assignments, like the one due next week Monday.
but at least i've got the weekend to work on it with my group members.
still got money problems.
haven't shopped for so long.
everytime i walk by rundle mall i feel like i wanna cry.
i know.. you think i'm exaggerating right?
drama queen?
maybe you don't get it.
i usually award myself a little something after a "big" submission and a presentation.
since i did both today... i felt like i needed something to make me happy to end the day.
but my financial status proved otherwise.
and to show the result of my stress and sleepless night(s)? ... or maybe just nights that i worried too much about this assignment?
i actually fell asleep at 7pm!
crazy, i know!
i don't know how i fell asleep.
i don't remember closing my eyes.
next thing i realize i'm waking up at 12am with 6 people leaving me msgs on my yahoo messenger.
surprised that i didn't hear all the buzzing.
my volume was up on maximum.
hmm..
i'm trying to find ways of cheering myself up.
not sure how.
but hope i find out soon or i might go crazy.
<3 suryani
This was not what I expected.
But it seems to be the trend now…
I feel so abandoned by everyone around me.
who thought a few days could’ve made such a big difference.
and all I could do was put a smile on and pretend.
I tried calling my B cos I needed someone to talk to.
but it seems he has more important things to attend to… more specifically eating with his friends.
But maybe it was my fault cos I didn’t say that I needed a shoulder.
oh, and I’m sorry that I asked for that favor. I’ll definitely return it. But the least you could have done was tell me of your current position. You could have said no.
It was pretty shocking to me finding myself with watery eyes.
I actually started to think about what it was that could’ve made me like this.
It could be the result of stressing on so much work having to be completed so soon, so close to each other’s due date.
I sent in an assignment on Tuesday last week, and had one day’s rest the day after and started packing for my field trip that lasted for 4 days and 3 nights, from Thursday to Sunday.
now that I’m back, it’s already Monday and I have to start on my design concept that’s due on Wednesday…
…along with a presentation. Can u spell pressure now?
It may seem like i have lots of time… but the thing is.. the minimum requirement is at LEAST 8 pieces of A3 paper. That’s 16 pieces of A4 paper!
Wtf la.
and it’s not even the final design.
Then there’s another assignment due next Monday.
So after I send this one in, I have to work on that one right away.
This one’s a group assignment, but still.
My life’s becoming more degrading every damn day.
and who can I confide in? where do I turn?
the only one I haven’t tried is leandro.
hmm.. maybe I should call him afterwards.
Last year I had work at Nando’s to keep my mind off other worries.
it’s the feeling of just having something to do and interacting with my work-mates that had me look forward to going to work.
But now, currently lacking of a job, I often find myself wondering if I’ll ever find one.
even though this semester seems pretty much busy and filled with assignments and other activities, it’d be nice to have something stable.
----- okay so i stopped after the paragraph above.. and i phoned Leandro.
he just made my day.
a good 40 minutes of direct calling to new york... hmm.. can't wait for my fone bill.
but the best part... i finally found someone who was there for me. :)
<3 suryani
