justifyingly beautiful.

"so I wait for you like a lonely house
till you will see me again and live in me.
Till then my windows ache." - Pablo Neruda

there's this tug-of-war going on in my mind and my heart.
one side fights for stay and another for go.
i love this quote by one of my favorite poets...
because it has this immediate sensation of sadness and this imagery of someone waiting quietly, wrapping their knees closely to their chest, for another to come for them.
this happens AT LEAST twice every year for me since I was a year old.

why is it that when we have 2 months to "seize the day"...
we only start a couple of weeks before the actual departure?
or maybe possibly just the week before.
only then everything starts becoming packed and you regret every step that you had to skip.

i had a great time today...
and hoping tomorrow will just be the same.
but wanting to capture more moments and cherish every second.
without interruptions.

p/s. here's a little something from my trip :)





<3 suryani

what do you want from me

i've just been browsing through my facebook for i have nothing better to do for the moment.
my laptop is being hospitalized and so is my HDD, so there's all my entertainment gone.

i was looking through a profile from someone from my old school.
and it just took me back a few years, to when i was new at the school.
it seemed that fate had again drawn me to be the "buddy" of this girl from the "popular" group,
just as it had back in New York.
but this one wasn't really popular popular.
they were of... a higher class??
well, they were students who's parents were part of the PTA or worked in the school.
my first impression... i didn't really want to be with them.
but they were all i knew, and my old friend from a previous school was also there.
so that's where i had to be.
they seemed to always be looking at you a certain way.
thinking they're all better and whatnot.

but you know, that was high school.
we should've all grown up to be a more better... matured person by now.
i believe i have... cos i admit that that was all high school stuff.
now i just put that all aside.
but this one girl... i realized that i have never seem to stop... disliking.
she never smiled at me. never really had a conversation with me, more like trying to disprove what i say with 2 sentences or less.
apetah lagi dgn british accent dia... lagi la bunyi macam dia stuck up.
but i never understood what her problem was.
cos all her other friends seemed to like me just fine..

and visiting her profile just now just made me see that she hasn't really changed that much.

having to adapt to soooo many different schools, one after another, has made me into the "perceptive" person that i am today.
i know what kind of people i can count on... or if they're merely there cos they have to.
it's not to say that those people are mean or anything...
it's just i know the long terms from the shorts.
it's a little depressing though... having the long terms so far away.
and knowing this, i can't be too picky with whom i choose to be friends with.

if you're my friend... and reading this..
know that once i consider you a friend... i will always consider your feelings.
maybe more than i should...( but to a certain point i know when to stop. )
so if anything triggers me to go against you, just know that it takes a lot for me to do that.
most probably ignorance.

oh, and that story about my school and the groups...
i ended up with another bunch.
a more more appreciative bunch :)

<3 suryani

time for changes

i finally have something to write about.
it's nothing interesting, though.
so just leave if this bores you.

i'm leaving next week for Adelaide.
NEXT friggin WEEK!
here's the thing: i'm sort of excited but... sort of don't wanna go cos i feel like there's still so much i haven't gotten to do yet.
but the fact that i have my whole year planned out already... (trips and whatnot)
makes me comfortable to go back to Adelaide cos i know i'm already coming back this year for a wedding! :D
*ahem*

i'm also excited for the things to come this semester :)
i hope my plans work out.
i hope this year will be so much better than the last :))

i am extremely excited for this wedding :))
but, of course, a little nervous.
but let's hope everything goes well ^_^!

this year has already been good to me.
and it's only the beginning.
who knows what's yet to come for the rest of the year!

til then,

<3 suryani