simply solitude.

i can't seem to do the right thing nowadays...
it's like my life is falling apart.
this has got to be the worst but yet... best summer ever.

i'm tired all the time.
my eyes are red, veins popping everywhere.
i feel like i want to sleep forever.
can i just stop studying?
i don't want to study anymore... i'm the most stupid person ever.
i don't know what i'm doing in masters. :(

i'm in need of a distraction especially.
i can't seem to do the right thing...
and i just can't watch :'(

<3 suryani

of tired feet and motivation

it seems that blogging is the way to go if i want to lash everything out.
for a long time, i forgot that i could do that here...
cos i got all carried away with facebook, twitter, and tumblr.
tumblr is such an awesome place to show my feelings without anyone knowing it's me...
but it's just not the same as typing it out.
the relief i get.
it just isn't the same.

i worked closing today.
but before that, i slept for 3 hours, which is a miracle as i couldn't fall asleep last night...
no matter how much i twisted and turned.
had a proud moment as MASCA SA 2009/2010 won the Adelaide City Council's Community Event of the Year award.
had a celebratory brunch with the rest later...
slept for another hour and went to do some hard labor.

highlight of my shift today was that there werent a lot of customers so i did so so well.
second highlight, i met two singaporean women that told me my parents should be so lucky to have a daughter like me... "so hardworking".
made me smile a little inside to know people can see that in me...

i waited for the bus to go home,
and as i sat, i saw colorful sparks in the night sky far away.
it's Aussie Day, so all i could do was enjoy it from the bus stop.

at that very moment, all i could feel was the night air, and a little drop of lonely.
but it's okay, i tell myself, there will be better days.

<3 suryani

an emotional ride

officially left behind.
it's 3.19am and i'm supposed to wake up in less than 5 hours.
i'm not sure how i'm gonna do it,
if i'll ever wake up,
cos it seems so much better to sleep this off and wake up to something new.

tough times.
these past couple of weeks,
my body feels really tired.
my head feels so heavy, as though i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
which is ridiculous, as i am only one person.

people say i'm strong and confident,
but no one should ever have to be alone at tough times.
so much has changed for me this summer...
i don't know how much more i can take.

<3 suryani

random thought.

You want a guy's perspective? Ask your Dad.

Me: Dad, how can I be sure if a guy really likes me or not?

Dad: If a guy really likes you, he would do whatever it takes to be yours. You see, there are two kinds of "being interested". One is, when a guy likes you but has his heart open to other girls. This is the kind that isn't so serious about being serious. The other kind of "being interested" is the kind that I want a guy to be interested in you. This is the kind whose eyes are set on you, and only you. No other girls. The one that sends you those long text messages on how much he means to you, gives you goodmorning and goodnight calls telling you to have a good day and to have sweet dreams. If a guy really wants to you to be his, he wouldn't be ashamed to introduce you his friends and even better, his family. I would want you to have a guy that when he looks into my daughter's eyes, he feels like he doesn't belong anywhere else but your heart.

this.

<3 suryani