incessantly

When we are able to let go of all the negative thoughts,
our days become much more brighter and happier.
No worries to make us wrinkle faster,
just take each step as it comes.

But today I have been fretting over this one particular Joget song I've been trying to figure out since last year!
And I was just sitting there with 3 other people,
humming, or something similar to humming, to find out if they know the tune!
And one person actually called their mom all the way in Malaysia to ask.
It's a song everybody has heard of, so popular that no one actually knows the name!
And I'm just drowned with unease trying to figure it out cos I want to use it in the Malaysian Carnival 2011!

I have tried every combination of word searches in Google, and in youtube.
None were successful.
I have repeated that hum so many times to so many people, that I might just throw up when I finally find the real song.
The last resort was to e-mail the person that I saw dance to this song on youtube,
and hoping that person will reply, cos she didn't reply my youtube comment!

I know, it sounds like I'm becoming so obsessed with this,
and I've dragged 4 other people with me,
one of which is someone's mother! LOL!

If you were there, I'd drag you in too!

Aside from that, I've bought my new umbrella,
one that I've always wanted since I saw it in Dublin's Topshop way back in... 2008?
I waited for it to rain then only did I go home,
partly cos no one else was hanging out at the usual place.

I've got no lecture tomorrow,
so to sum it all up, my days are happy, happy days.
Let's hope tomorrow's weather won't be as bad as todays!

<3 suryani

didn't they say the world was round?

i think this is partly how my world works.
and i think it's very similar to a lot of other people.

i'm fortunate enough to have close friends and best friends around me.
i'm actually closer to these group of friends than i am to my family.
well, in the sense that i talk more to them about... stuff.
i don't know, i don't say i love you, or i miss you, or hug my family lovingly.
but they know i love them, they know i miss them.
they know, without me having to show.
i don't tell my family stories that much, cos i know their reaction.
but doesn't mean i love them any less.

i always get lectured at though, for spending time with friends when i should with family.
but that's normal lah, for when we were young, we may not have our priorities set straight.
now it's the other way around!... or balanced.

i love to share everything with my close friends, my best friends.
that's how we update each other, how we learn to know more about each other.
and best thing is, you know it stays between you and them.
you can talk about random things, current events, or anything else flowing in your head.
doesn't have to be a straight train of thought.
just say what ever it is that pops into your head.

i share it all with them,
if i don't, i'm saving too much in my head, which we all know from experience isn't a good idea to keep it all to yourself.
mentally, psychologically, emotionally...? okay that last one might be redundant.
there is no reason for doubt, no reason for holding back.

there's actually a reason for me to say all of this. in this post.
but i don't quite know how to put it into words.
the reason for this.
it's a bowl of puzzles, that i haven't pieced together yet to make sense of why i'm saying all of this.
of course, when i do, i will make sure to post it up.

but i hope for the time being,
i still have my friends to count on,
and i just hope for everything that's happened,
i don't know why it had to happen at the same time,
you guys can still count on me and trust me whole-heartedly.
i would never do anything to jeopardize friendships that aren't that common to find.

arielle, christine, laila, leandro, stef

<3 suryani

if we ever meet again

i would never let it get it to the point where we fight over something so useless and nonexistent, that we lose so many precious moments in our life.
like our friends getting engaged, or our friends getting married.
or they have kids.

when everyone's better and okay,
you'll look back and think, how did we get this way?
we lost so many years over stupid things.
and we can never get those years back.

so let it be now that we learn to become mature and be the stronger, more sensible person.
make everything okay again, even if you're unsure.
it's the right thing to do :)

i'll have to wait a while for the timing to be right.
usually i'm asleep and she's awake on the other side of the world!

<3 suryani

gain some and lose some :)

i'm not stupid.
i'm not saying i'm a genius either.
but yea, i can still put 2 and 2 together.

until now i don't understand why it happened.
but what has happened has taught me a great deal.
i've never seen someone as deceiving as you.
and i've never befriended someone as deceiving as you.

i'll never forget it, cos i felt a lot of hurt and you just went about with your careless ways.
but i definitely can move on, because one thing TCK life has taught me,
is that real friends stick by you no matter what.
they don't have to be in contact all the time,
but they will know when something is wrong and they will be there for me.

i have 3 of those already, even tho they're so far away.
silly me for trying to include you, when you obviously do not care about anyone's happiness but yourself.
maybe cos we're so far apart, i'm not sure.
maybe.
but distance shouldn't affect friendship if that friend is loyal.
i try to make friends happy, not because they will like me,
but because it makes me happy to see them happy.
and happiness is contagious.

i admit i was wrong about a few people,
but now, i've just learned more about being independent and strong :)

unlike you.

<3 suryani

if it's an enemy you want, it's a friend you'll lose.

i've been pretty emotional lately.
and i think i've stated this before.
but it's still going on.
just comes to show that it's not pms.

i've been lashing out a lot on twitter,
cos i don't think lashing out on a blog, every second of everyday would be good use of a blog.
since that is what twitter is for, better there than here.
people don't know this, but if you look closely, i talk about more than just one problem/person.
as it comes to my mind, i just type it.
there's no particular pattern whatsoever.

only one person in twitter actually knows one of the problems i'm talking about.
and well, i trust this person won't blurt it out to anyone.
this person probably doesn't care enough anyway.
but this person has heard the pain i went through.
enough to understand why i'm like this.

even tho my twitter friends don't really read my blog,
mostly cos they don't know i've got one,
i'm sorry to those who actually have to put up with it on twitter.
i know it's like spamming.
but hey, i know it fills up your free time reading stuff on your newsfeed anyway. hehe.

well, for one of the problems i constantly tweet abt,
i've definitely come to the conclusion that,
i have done my best, i have done my part.
even tho i've made this conclusion, there will be times i will suddenly remember it again cos i remember all the unnecessary little things, and get angry. but i will move on.
i shouldn't try to chase something that obviously doesn't mean anything to other people.
i should focus on people who care for me,
who appreciate what i do for them, and i appreciate what they do for me.

friendship is, after all, a two way street.

<3 suryani