i'm begging you for mercy

let's begin with a sigh of relief.
the presentation is over with... albeit.. it didn't go as well as i expected it to.
everyone got drilled.
but in a good way.. our lecturer wasn't drilling us like we all got it wrong.
but he was pointing out ways of improving... so he pointed out everything that we didnt do.
and that's what the assignment was supposed to be anyway. a concept.
and receive feedback to help our way to the final submission.
i gotta keep telling myself this so i hope that i don't fail.

what got me partly upset was that the tutorial group after mine, which should've ran from 3 to 5pm, got an extension.
no wonder they didnt show up.
my tutorial runs from 1 to 3pm... buat at 3pm there were still 5 people who needed to present.
i presented mine a little after 4pm.
and all that while i was wondering where the next group was.
turns out that only 3 showed for the presentation .. those who were keen to get it over with.
and the rest will do theirs tomorrow.
which i thought was a little unfair.
cos the most likely reason for their extension is that most of them just came back from the trip that i went to.
in that case, everyone should've gotten an extension.

after i sent this one in, i felt such a big lift.. as if this was holding me down and the cause of my private emotional breakdown.
yes, i'm still stressing for other assignments, like the one due next week Monday.
but at least i've got the weekend to work on it with my group members.

still got money problems.
haven't shopped for so long.
everytime i walk by rundle mall i feel like i wanna cry.
i know.. you think i'm exaggerating right?
drama queen?
maybe you don't get it.
i usually award myself a little something after a "big" submission and a presentation.
since i did both today... i felt like i needed something to make me happy to end the day.
but my financial status proved otherwise.

and to show the result of my stress and sleepless night(s)? ... or maybe just nights that i worried too much about this assignment?
i actually fell asleep at 7pm!
crazy, i know!
i don't know how i fell asleep.
i don't remember closing my eyes.
next thing i realize i'm waking up at 12am with 6 people leaving me msgs on my yahoo messenger.
surprised that i didn't hear all the buzzing.
my volume was up on maximum.

hmm..
i'm trying to find ways of cheering myself up.
not sure how.
but hope i find out soon or i might go crazy.

<3 suryani

from hero to zero lah.

This was not what I expected.
But it seems to be the trend now…
I feel so abandoned by everyone around me.
who thought a few days could’ve made such a big difference.
and all I could do was put a smile on and pretend.

I tried calling my B cos I needed someone to talk to.
but it seems he has more important things to attend to… more specifically eating with his friends.
But maybe it was my fault cos I didn’t say that I needed a shoulder.
oh, and I’m sorry that I asked for that favor. I’ll definitely return it. But the least you could have done was tell me of your current position. You could have said no.

It was pretty shocking to me finding myself with watery eyes.
I actually started to think about what it was that could’ve made me like this.
It could be the result of stressing on so much work having to be completed so soon, so close to each other’s due date.
I sent in an assignment on Tuesday last week, and had one day’s rest the day after and started packing for my field trip that lasted for 4 days and 3 nights, from Thursday to Sunday.
now that I’m back, it’s already Monday and I have to start on my design concept that’s due on Wednesday…
…along with a presentation. Can u spell pressure now?
It may seem like i have lots of time… but the thing is.. the minimum requirement is at LEAST 8 pieces of A3 paper. That’s 16 pieces of A4 paper!
Wtf la.
and it’s not even the final design.
Then there’s another assignment due next Monday.
So after I send this one in, I have to work on that one right away.
This one’s a group assignment, but still.

My life’s becoming more degrading every damn day.
and who can I confide in? where do I turn?
the only one I haven’t tried is leandro.
hmm.. maybe I should call him afterwards.

Last year I had work at Nando’s to keep my mind off other worries.
it’s the feeling of just having something to do and interacting with my work-mates that had me look forward to going to work.
But now, currently lacking of a job, I often find myself wondering if I’ll ever find one.
even though this semester seems pretty much busy and filled with assignments and other activities, it’d be nice to have something stable.

----- okay so i stopped after the paragraph above.. and i phoned Leandro.
he just made my day.
a good 40 minutes of direct calling to new york... hmm.. can't wait for my fone bill.
but the best part... i finally found someone who was there for me. :)

<3 suryani